Elena

Elena is a great Modern History student!

 Prussia was one of the most dominant forces during the period of 1815 to 1848. There were many factors in which made her a dominant and extended her influence over German States. During the 19th century there were two main forces in the German States: Prussia and Austria. However Austria at the time was larger and powerful than Prussia. The Austrian empire economy base was agriculture. When looking at Austria’s downfall and the rise of Prussia being the most dominant there are many factors that need to be incorporated nevertheless some factors were more important than others.  Your introduction doesn't specifically answer the question [sorry]. I think that the last line is good.  A crucial factor that extended Prussia’s influence over the German states was **economic** factors, which include the introduction of the Zolleverein, the development of roads and railways. Most notably the Zolleverein, which came into affect between the period of 1815 and 1848, The Zolleverein would mean the abolishment of the internal customs and tariffs. As a result of these customs barriers and tariff charges it prevented the development of a modern economy within the German States. The Prussia customs areas were the largest and the most economically important. During this time Prussia raised its tariffs and goods on entering form the outside. Consequently this forced the other German States to merge with the Prussian customs area. On 1 January 1834 the Zolleverein came into force. Subsequently, this meant that the smaller states in Germany relied on Prussia rather than Austria, which initiated the fall of Austria. Similarly the economic development; the building of roads and railways. The repercussion of the building of roads and railways was to open further trade with the other German States. Prussia founded engineering facilities, textile mills, iron and steel networks. In effect this made Prussia into the first rank of industrial power. *I think you need to edit that line.
 * __ Essay Question: Explain how Prussia extended her influence over the German States during the period 1815-1848?  __**

 *However **political factors** also impacted on Prussia’s influence over the German States. Austria was lead by an autocratic emperor, which meant that he was personally governed without any restraint or restriction. Due this they were very conservative, resistant to change and modernisation. On the other hand the ruler of Prussia was both and autocrat and a reactionary, which meant that he was open to any change. Therefore this meant that Prussia was a state that would be open and it was flexible to change which would modernize/better the state and make it more powerful and extend its influence over the German states, which in turn it did. ** The leaders that Prussia were a much stronger force than the Austrian leaders which points towards the power than going towards the Prussian state. Another political issue was the introduction of the sovereignty of the people. This meant that the people rather than the monarch possessed supreme power in the state. Due to this the power would be based on the ‘will of the people’ rather than the ‘divine right’ of the kings.**   *I think you should re-phrase that to (maybe)e.g. Another factor that...... [sorry] WHY??? [sorry :(]  The sovereignty of the people also links with **nationalism.** It allows a belief to be created that the people’s first loyalty was to the nation and not the monarch. Before the idea of nationalism people thought of themselves as belonging to and loyal to political units. As people became aware of the idea of nationalism which was a political idea that the promotions of ones interests over the nations they then turned to the sovereignty of the people.     I don't think that this paragraph ^ links back to your main idea. [sorry...]  Likewise, liberalism is a political idea that promotes the liberty of an individual impacted on the extended influence that Prussia had over the other German States. Liberalism came into context during a time when Europe was ruled by the absolute monarchs. The liberalism of an individual was to have freedom of press, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, legal protection, equality of rights, to conduct a business and accumulate property. With the failure of this the monarchs were still able to control the individual and making a powerful and stronger state by working together and not as the individual. (Again) I don't think that this paragraph ^ links back to your main idea. [sorry...] The first sentence (for the bottom one) is good and I think you should something similar for each paragragph To a lesser degree, social factors assisted in the extended influence of Prussia over the German States: such things as luck and the pressure of the smaller German States to join a dominant fource. At the time of the pressure of the smaller states to join with a dominant force Prussia was thriving and were becoming more powerful and due to Austria’s autocratic system they were not keeping up with Prussia as they were not open to change therefore failing. This allowed the little German States to join with the powerful fource of Prussia and further made her more powerful and extended her influence to the German States.   All of the factors mentioned above generates the idea why Prussia had such a strong influence over the other German States during the 19th century and furthermore explains the fall of Austria. -I liked you conclusion it was concise and informative. - You did answer the question but it was not in the first paragraph - You introduced all the key points and I liked the way you explained the economical significance but (sorry) you were a bit vague about the other factors. - Ummm.. there isn't much evidence but I understand your points. - You have used the lang. of cause and effect. :)   - You strengths are that your understanding of the information is very good and your weakness is that you did not link each paragraph back to your main statement.

Overall I liked your essay. -Suman

**** However, I did like the last sentence of the introduction… The ‘road map’ just has to be added on to that. **** You have used historical detail well throughout your paragraphs; however more sources will help you further strengthen your overall argument. Also, at the end of each paragraph/factor, you need to create a linking sentence that will link back to your argument e.g. at the end of the ‘political factors’ paragraph, add in “Therefore, political factors helped Prussia extend her influence due to…” etc. **** Language of cause and effect was used well, which helps fulfill the “explain” part of the question. **** Lastly, you need to restate your argument with each new idea/factor. This will help strengthen it and improve the overall structure of the essay. **** I enjoyed reading your essay. Good work =] **
 * Your essay was a really good effort. With your introduction, although it was right to state that there were a number of factors that contributed, the overall paragraph did not specifically address the question. You need to include a ‘road map’ – i.e. what you will be talking about in the entire essay: “There were a number of factors that contributed, including economic, political, social…” etc.

__ello elena :) your essay was good. like the others, i dont think you answered the question in the introduction but then reading it through i understood your points. the conclusion was maybe a bit brief? you used cause and effect language very well good work love! jess__