Elizabeth


 * Explain how Prussia extended her influence over the German states during the period 1815-1848? **

During the years of 1815-1848 the state of Prussia *had an extreme influence  on the surrounding German states . **There were many different influences  that Prussia had on the German states for example social, economic, political and ***the force of change for  nationalism and liberalism. Howev er, the most influential  factor on the German states was economic. All these factors of influence formed together the German states under Prussia’s power throughout the 19th century. * [revise wording. e.g. had a significant level of influence…] ** [comprehensive, but try to formalize your language e.g. there were a number of diverse factors that increased Prussia’s influence on the German states…] *** [reconsider wording. e.g. the forces of change: nationalism and liberalism]  There were many influences on *Germany  throughout this period although the most **impacting ***of all of them  was economic. This was due to the fact that ****Germany had begun an economic expansion after <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">building there <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> first railway line and means of transport. Therefore this meant that there was a <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">*****major increase <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> in the area of trade for Germany. As a result of the major increase in trade, Germany, Prussia and Austria’s economies had been greatly <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">******ruptured <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">. Subsequently this meant that Prussia and Germany sought to gain as much power as possible from the situation which came form making a profit regarding the economy. Thus making Prussia think to abolish <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> *******there <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> customs and tariffs in an attempt to gain control to gain control of the German states. As a result of abolishing the customs and tariffs, Prussia began to sway the German states into having more of an association with them rather than Austria. Therefore Prussia had influenced the German states to trade with them which consequently led to the rise in both German and Prussia’s economy and a lowering in Austria’s. These reasons all assist in explaining how Prussia had extended her influence on the German states. <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">* [German __states__] ** [significant?]  *** [formalize] **** [rephrase. e.g. Germany’s economy had begun to expand directly after the introduction of the…] ***** [why? Be specific = railway lines catered for a large increase in trade and therefore a profiting economy] ****** [careful, ruptured = broken > the states profited] ******* [spelling > their] <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> As well as the <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">*economic influences there were also other influences such as social, political, and the force to change nationalism and liberalism throughout the German states. <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> All these influences assisted in the shaping of the main influence which was economic. Due to the Zollverein in 1834 and the other influences the German states were impacted significantly, these factors all led to Prussia gaining control of German states and were made possible by the failure of liberalism and the desire to be more nationalistic states. The influential rise of nationalism came as a result of people putting there own needs over the monarchy, meaning that the German states didn’t want to be under Austria’s control anymore and Prussia sought the opportunity to use this to there advantage by abolishing the taxes and having a more influential role over the German states. <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: red; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">* [ revise sentence. e.g. influence of economics there were also other contributing factors such as social trends, political factors and the forces of change nationalism and liberalism present throughout the German states.] <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">

There were many other influences places upon the German states for example the introduction of sovereignty to the people (in Prussia), the smaller states such as the German states needing to join with a more powerful force, Prussia becoming the more influential power and finally Germany’s decline of Austria and becoming sates that looked up to Prussia. All these factors and the others mentioned were above that really impacted the amount of influence that Prussia had extended on Germany during the period.

As a result of all these influences Prussia was the only state at the time that was moving closer to the idea of modernizing hence making it a much more dominant and flexible country between the years of 1815-1848, making it a very influential state on the German states. <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt"> <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">
 * <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">Hey Liz : ), **
 * <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">The red text throughout is my series of recommendations and the yellow highlighting is where you have used language of cause and effect, time sequence etc. **
 * <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">Your introduction is well structured; it answers the question and is comprehensive; addressing all key points. Although, I would recommend formalizing your language and being careful with how some sentences are worded - unsuitable or vague words can deflect from your intention and point. The bulk of my recommendations (red text) are just about wording and formality so I stopped pointing these out towards the middle. **
 * <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">Apart from language, everything else is quite good; your paragraphs are linked to your main argument and cause and effect language is used throughout. Your understanding of the cause and effect between events is good and evidence given is okay but I would add a few more key figures, dates and a little more historical detail. **
 * <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt">Overall, it’s a good essay and I can see where you were going, but it needs some touching up here and there. **